Its been ages since I’ve actually been on so I feel like a good update is needed. So I have just finished my second year at uni and it couldn’t have been more lovely and more difficult all at once. Fall and especially winter were incredibly difficult months for me dealing with depression and anxiety. I almost always get seasonal depression but this year I was so bed locked id lay in bed for hours after I woke up only to get out around 3 pm, smoke a ton of weed, miss most of my class and refuse to clean. Comparing how I began with my therapist and how I am now so much progress has been made I just couldnt be happier with myself. And more proud. I over came such a dark time for myself one that I was so sure I would never come out of, the tears I shed over thinking that I will always be sad, I will always feel worthless, I will always hate who I am. Those feelings are so strong and so real and to think how differently i look at myself now i can’t help but smile. Things really do change, all the time, progress is a choice but only something we cannot rush but it truly does happen. I remember crying in therapy, so uncomfortable because she asked me to tell myself how much I love who I am. Now I can say with so much confidence in my heart and in my voice that I love myself. I love who I am, its all I got and I think its pretty spectacular.
I also will be moving into a house on the other side of campus next year with two lovely new friends that I started really getting close with spring term. I cannot wait to see what next year holds, I basically spend all my time with them at their place so moving in wont really change our dynamic. We will also be living with the best dog in the whole wide world who is so sweet and my wednesday adores her. Uh I cannot wait.
I also just returned from What The Fest, which was absolutely life changing. I will be attending for so many many years to come. It opened my heart up in ways I cannot even begin to explain. I left feeling so sure in my voice, in my thought, in my heart, in my mind, in who I am. A dirty loving hippie.
I can;t stand my job anymore however and am desperately looking for something new to have down and secured by the end of july so I can put my two weeks in at hop. I just get no respect there anymore and I am completely over it. But I still have to work, they still pay my bills and they are in charge so for the time being I need to put my big girl panties on and suck it up.
I have been hanging out with the guy I adore from work a lot more recently, I think this might end up being a theme since most of his friends are gone this summer. He does hope to move by spring but thats spring. I just really enjoy being around him, talking to him, he actually cares and wants to makesure Im alright. And he has just recently admited to me that he has a thing for crazy girls. I litterally thought he had stopped talking to me and trying to hangout with me because I am so crazy, but turns out thats totally his thing. I can really see it too, Im just energetic and full of life and interest and I cant keep stagnent. I cant wait to see where it goes.
